got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
