you guys were way drunker than both of me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
