6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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