Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
