Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
