I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
