I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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