i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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