Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
