I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
