i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
