Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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