Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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