Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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