i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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