Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
