im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
