I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
