I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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