please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
