no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
