I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
