How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
