you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
