the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
