last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
third nipple confirmed
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
