ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
