she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
