I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
