I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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