so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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