I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
