She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
