I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
