You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
