Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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