yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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