my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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