Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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