so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
