i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
