then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
