I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
