I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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