Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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