No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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