so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
