yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
