You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
