Buhtt sex?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
