I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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