I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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