I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He felt like a one man threesome
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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