I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
