help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
