coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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