i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Green mimosas i think yes
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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